STORYTIME

Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf by Roald Dlahl
A soon as Wolf began to feel
That he would like a decent meal,
He went and knocked on Grandma`s door.
When Grandma opened it, she saw
The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,
And Wolfie said, �May I come in?�
Poor Grandmamma was terrified,
�He�s going to eat me up!� she cried.
And she was absolutely right.
He ate her up in one big bite.
But Grandmamma was small and tough,
And Wolfie wailed, �That�s not enough!
�I haven�t yet begun to feel
�That I have had a decent meal!�
He ran around the kitchen yelping,
I�ve got to have another helping!�
Then added with a frightful leer,
�I�m therefore going to wait right here
�Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood
�Comes home from walking in the wood.�
He quickly put on Grandma�s clothes,
(Of course he hadn�t eaten those.)
He dressed himself in coat and hat.
He put on shoes and after that
He even brushed and curled his hair,
Then sat himself in Grandma�s chair.
In came the little girl in red.
She stopped. She started. And then she said,
�What great big ears you have, Grandma.�
�All the better to hear you with,� the Wolf replied.
�What great big eyes you have, Grandma,�
said Little Red Riding Hood.
�All the better to see you with,� the Wolf replied.
He sat there watching her and smiled.
He thought, I�m going to eat this child.
Compared with her old Grandmamma
She�s going to taste like caviare.

Then Little Red Riding Hood said, �But Grandma,
what a lovely great big furry coat you have on.�
�That�s wrong!� cried Wolf. �Have you forgot
�To tell me what BIG TEETH I�ve got?�
Ah well, no matter what you say,
�I�m going to eat you anyway.�
The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.
She whips a pistol from her knickers.
She aims it at the creature�s head
And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.
A few weeks later, in the wood,
I came across Miss Riding Hood.
But what a change! No cloak of red,
No silly hood upon her head.
She said, �Hello, and do please note
�My lovely furry WOLF SKIN COAT.�

Interview with Barbara Cartland
I = Interviewer
BC = Barbara Cartland

I Your first novel was published in 1923, and since then you�ve written over four hundred and fifty books. In fact, you hold various world records. Can you tell me a bit about that first?
BC Yes. At the moment I hold the world record for the amount of books I�ve sold, which we say is forty-five million, but we don�t really know, because when I went to I… Indonesia the other day, the children kept coming up for autographs, and I said �What�s all this? I don�t publish in Indonesia!� What a surprise! I found they�d plagiarised every book, including the last two from America, and every publisher printed them! So … my son spoke to the ambassador and he said he could do nothing limply, so I�m… I�m in Indonesian, I�m in… I found a book of… mine written in Thai, which they hadn�t paid on, and all these Indians always plagiarise everything. So I mean I�ve no idea how much I really sell, it�s absolutely extraordinary! And it�s very interesting because, as you know, I�m very pure, and my heroine is never allowed to go to bed until she has the ring on her fingers, and erm … I sell more than anybody else. And what I�ve done is also… that is the amount of books I�ve sold, according to the Guinness Book of Records I�m the best-selling author in the world… and I�ve also done the record number of books every year. For the last eleven years I�ve done an average of twenty-three, and nobody�s argued (laughs). They ke… they keep saying, �You know, you�ve done more than anybody else.� So I presume there it is. And now at the moment I�m just starting on Monday, I shall be starting my er… eighteenth this year, so I shall have broken the world record again.
I Amazing! How do you set about organizing your writing day? I mean, to write so much you must be very organized about it.
BC Oh, I�m very organized. I have five secretaries. But what I do is, every day that I�m at home, like today, you see, (mumble) until you could come at four o�clock, I ern… I write between six and seven thousand words. Yesterday I did eight thousand by mistake, which was between ten-past one and half-past three. And I lie on the sofa, and I shut my eyes, and I… just tell the story. I make very few corrections, actually, I only cut the paragraphs if they�re too long. And eon… the thing is that when I want a plot, I… I say a prayer. I say �I want a plot. Don�t give me two �cos it�s terribly inconvenient� (laughs) and er… the plot is there! I mean, I can�t explain why, but instantly I have a plot. And then I read twenty to thirty history books for every novel I write for the simple reason that I�m used enormously in schools and universities, especially in America, and so everything has to be correct. I mean I take an enormous amount of trouble. I ring up the Indian embassy if I�ve got a train going at a certain date, �cos I write in the past, you see, and say, �Had the trains got as far as Peshawar?� If they hadn�t, I don�t put it in, you see. And I do all those little things. And the other day I was doing one er… going to er… to Holland, you see, to Rotterdam, and I found out exactly when they… where they went from in England, what it cost and how long it took. I mean, person… they don�t all know… but the Americans love it, because they say they have a history lesson and a geography lesson in everything I write, and I enjoy it because I like to be… to have perfection.

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